Imperfect perfectionism

Are you feeling trapped by the stress of striving for perfection in this world? Helen Thorne-Allenson writes this encouraging blog pointing to the one who will transform our lives and free us from trying to be perfect by ourselves.

We are made for perfection. It was the context in which we came into being (Genesis 1-2) – it is the destination towards which we are heading (Revelation 21-22) - so no wonder it is a state for which many of us yearn. One day we will have a heart that does not rebel, a mouth that does not wound, and an ear that will never again hear anything cruel or unwise. It will be glorious in that day.

Most of us are deeply aware that such perfection is not ours yet. We live in a fallen world, and everything – including us – is not as it should be (Genesis 3). But, there is hope. From the basis of our sure and certain salvation in Jesus, we are called to press on towards the goal of perfection, to be people who are increasingly conformed to the likeness of Christ.

Law-based growth

There is a rightness about yearning for perfection. There can be a wrongness about it too. Perfectionism, as it is often called, is a snare that trips up our sanctification rather than helps it progress. It is the heart posture whereby we aspire to only the most perfect performance, both in ourselves and sometimes in others too. We strive to be infallible, often pushing ourselves to work long hours in order to avoid mistakes. We tell ourselves that we should be better, we must be better – and anything less is of great shame. We can easily become disappointed with ourselves, maybe even berate ourselves when we slip. The mistakes may look small to others but, to us, they seem huge. We become tempted to seek spiritual growth through harsh treatment of the body, something that the Bible roundly condemns (Colossians 2:23).

Perfectionism is often born out of great pain – a childhood where only the highest achievements were considered worthy of love; a relentless working environment where only the best gets to keep their role, or an abusive marriage where punishment is meted out for fallibility of the smallest kind.

It brings much pain on those who live and work with perfectionists – encouragement is rarely modelled, contentment rarely displayed, and law rather than grace is often the order of the day.

Grace-paced growth

Christ calls us to a far better way. Not a way that ignores the call to sanctification - we are meant to be serious about changing to be like Christ - but in a way that trusts God for the pace and manner of our sanctification rather than taking those matters into our own hands.

When our Saviour calls us to follow him, he does not anticipate perfection yet – just look at the heroes of the faith (Hebrews 11). Noah did not manage sobriety every day, Abraham was far from the model husband, Moses had more than a small struggle with anger, Rahab earned her living as a sex worker and David was not a great dad, yet they were all God’s precious chosen ones, people who shined God’s glory. God chooses the weak to show his light (2 Corinthians 12:9-11).

When our heavenly Father grows his children he is patient and kind (Exodus 34:6-7). He is not a taskmaster in heaven, exasperated by our limits or our bad days. He is a loving Father who meets our fragility with patience, and our waywardness with grace. We do not need to fear his gaze. We can grow from a place of knowing we are held and adored.

When our Good Shepherd leads his children through life, he knows there will be seasons of walking and seasons of rest (Psalm 23). He will get us to the ultimate victory feast – his leadership will not falter nor fail - but as a Shepherd he leads his sheep slowly. It’s not a relentless race towards perfection. He does not catapult his sheep into the next field expecting instant change! He walks with us and we can walk with him, content with the slow and measured change he brings.

As we live life as the community of the church, ongoing sin and frailty is to be expected. That’s why we are called to keep on forgiving – to keep on bearing with one another each day. It’s why Jesus taught his disciples to pray regularly for their own forgiveness. Such things are not something we brush off as unimportant but things we need to acknowledge as inevitable until Jesus returns or calls us home. An over-realised eschatology – wanting the blessings of perfection now – does not eradicate sin and struggle, it merely robs us of joy.

As Christians in this world we will always know the tension of not being all we could be. But if we put off our old self of striving, allow our hearts to be changed by God’s gracious, compassionate gaze and put on a commitment to slow, grace-paced sanctification, we will live out a call that is beautiful. And we can have rejoicing in our hearts as we look forward to a future perfection that one day will be ours.

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Helen Thorne-Allenson is the Director of Training and Resources at Biblical Counselling UK

Views expressed in blogs published by the Latimer Trust are those of the authors and do not necessarily represent the official position of the Latimer Trust.